How I went from being "skinny" to being "healthy".

To many people, I have always been the girl who could "eat whatever I wanted and still look 'skinny'". This may have been true when I was 12 or 13; however, as I grew older that wasn't necessarily the case. Yes, I've never really been "overweight", but I have definitely been "underweight".

 

I started to become more conscious of my body appearance when I entered junior high. I was at the age where I could start dating, so of course, I became more involved in my physical appearance. I remember being self conscious of my forehead (which is why I had bangs), my "oval-shaped" face (with not very defineable cheekbones), my "bigger feet" (Size 8 1/2 - 9), my "no thigh gap" legs, and my "flatter chest". Don't get me wrong, I wasn't a depressed adolescent. I was full of life, and was a happy girl even with all of those insecurities.

As I entered high school as a sophomore, I still had most of the same insecurities that I had in junior high. I liked my legs a little more, liked my curves a little more, liked my oval-shaped face a little more, but still didn't feel comfortable with my forehead and foot size (I kept my bangs, and started to try and fit into size 8 1/2 shoes). As a sophomore I dated mostly guys who were seniors, which caused those insecurities to be even greater. I was always comparing my physical appearance to those "senior" girls who had a larger chest, tinier waist, smaller feet, and more defined cheekbones (because I felt like that was what the older, senior guys liked). Once again, I was NOT depressed or unhappy. I was still a happy adolescent who was involved in sports, got good grades, and had amazing friends; but, I still had insecurities that ate at me day in and day out. 

As I started my junior year of high school, I started losing some of those insecurities that I carried with me since junior high. I started to like my physical appearance more, partly because I enjoyed people telling me how "strong" I looked. I was a member of the softball team, so being strong and muscle-y was a good thing. I ended up competing in my school's "Miss Uintah Body Building Competition"; I didn't win, but I was proud of myself for being confident enough to be in front of a large audience in only spandex and a bikini top! Keep in mind.. I still had the bangs that covered my forehead at that time, so unfortunately, all insecurities weren't gone. 

As I started my senior year, I became a member on a state championship drill team (dance team). It took a lot of hard work, dedication, and commitment (physically & emotionally). We practiced and conditioned all throughout the summer (with a 2 week break), then started getting ready for competition season, practicing six days a week, 3 hours each day (longer some days, and had a couple 2-a-day practices). It was constant exercise. My body started changing. My legs were stronger, but also thinner. My waist shrunk. My arms, shoulder, and chest became toned, but I lost mass. My face finally had cheekbones that were noticeable. I was "skinny". I also stopped having my period. At the time I was happy with how my body was changing; however, I was blind to the fact that I was becoming, not just "skinny", but unhealthy as well. 

All throughout my senior year I had my coach, my parents, my siblings, and some extended family comment on my "skinniness". I was forced to go to several doctor appointments to see if I was unhealthy. But of course, they don't know anything, right? I was happy, I was finally getting that "thigh gap", those cheekbones, that tiny waist, that "desirable look by senior boys." Boy...... if I could just go back in time and slap myself I would! Looking back now I know that my family was only looking out for me; they were worried. Looking back now I know that I lost too much weight, and that I had the wrong perception of what "beautiful" and "healthy" is. On a side note, drill team taught me how to love my face again. Being a dancer, your hair is always slicked up into a tight bun, which forced me to show off my naked face. I'm so grateful for that now! 

Senior Year of Prom - I was pretty "skinny", and had less muscle

Things didn't start changing (in a good way) for me until I left for college. I was so surprised when I went to the gym, and saw so many girls/women lifting weights. I had always been against that because I didn't want to become "bulky". But when I saw these girls, they weren't bulky; these girls were muscle-y, toned, fit, strong, beautiful, healthy, and I could see it on their face that they were happy. I look back now and laugh because I was.... this "skinny" girl walking into a room full of "strong" girls to go run on the treadmill... with my only concern being to keeping the weight off. So, I decided to start going to one of the boot camp classes, which became a blessing in disguise. By going to bootcamp, I met Kaitie (who became my best friend, lifting partner, and sister), and Molly (who became my motivation, bootcamp instructor, and friend). After starting bootcamp, Kaitie and I started lifting together three days a week, attending boot camp two times a week, and eating more healthy-like. I became stronger, muscle-y-er, more confident, and more knowledgeable about "health". I didn't care anymore about being "skinny". I wanted to be strong and healthy. 

Christmas 2013 - When I loved being "healthy" so much that I asked for new Nike's and workout attire :)

Today, I am more happy than I ever was when I was just "skinny". I love my curves, my booty (thank you squats), my face (thank you drill), my strong legs, my strong core, and yes.... even my big feet ;) I feel beautiful even when I make poor eating choices on a certain day, or skip a workout. What's more important is enjoying life, enjoying your treats, and enjoying being a complete couch potato all day. This life we live is short, and it shouldn't be wasted worrying about that brownie you ate yesterday, or that workout you skipped earlier this week because you were tired. Love your body. Don't focus on being "skinny"; strive to be "healthy".

All my love, 


McKenna